Long before LB came along, I was getting grumpy with how we did weekends.
PiC was accustomed to getting out Saturday mornings and cranking out some miles. I’ve always had my feet up, working on the computer, until 2 pm before rolling out through town running errands. We’re such inherent opposites in energy and finances, it’s a wonder we get along.
I think we were both sort of constantly quietly exasperated that it was so complicated balancing our needs (grocery shopping, cleaning, routine repairs) and our wants (sleep, more sleep, work, getting exercise, having fun) but we failed to do anything about it. Apparently the discomfort was only enough to be a pain and not enough to motivate.
Time feels more precious now, and now that we’re actually surviving day to day in reasonable shape, things seemed to click.
A few weeks ago, we talked on Friday night: What do you want to do Saturday and Sunday? One answer per day.
PiC wanted a 4 hour time slot for his workout. I wanted a late morning lie-in and a couple hours to work. LB was going to want to be fed, fight sleep, eat again, play, avoid a nap, eat, and so on. Obviously, hir schedule was going to stay pretty much the same so we worked out which of our things could happen when, with hir schedule in mind, and made it happen. It was an epiphany. We felt productive and still had the late afternoon and evening to relax and do some shared family things like errands, cooking, and eating. Rinse and repeat.
Verdict: Awesome!
Another weekend, I acquiesced to PiC’s plan that we do a volunteer activity together, even though it meant packing up the whole family, and we fulfilled one of his hobby obligations. That many hours in the sun clean wore me out, though, and so I took the rest of Saturday off. It was Daddy-child and Daddy-dog time all day Saturday with only pinchhitting from me.
I think this is the right groove for us. We need time to do our own things separately as well as together as a family, and these does not simply happen.
Especially with my “who needs to go outside” attitude, if I don’t make a real effort or PiC doesn’t make it happen, I’d never get outside or away from the family to be alone and refresh myself. I’m not lost in my new role as a mom, this is a reversion to a more severe version of my usual niche as a domestic hermit. It conserves precious energy! But that doesn’t mean that I can, or should, hide forever.
It’s going to take deliberate communication and coordination but I think it’s worth the brainpower to look forward to weekends as a time to enjoy, rather than hoping for the best and being frustrated.